What are your thoughts on abortion?
The "A" word never once appeared in a topic in the secret chat room but guess where it did pop up? I'll also let you know how I came to my own personal decision.
In fact the only place I found abortion actively discussed was in response to the question “What new topics would you like to see added?” which then prompted a lot of threads with personal stories and some beautiful messages of support and empathy.
“At nearly 50 and 2 x children later I still think of “her” everyday. Decades of therapy and still no closer to healing that particular wound.”
“I couldn’t bring baby into this world with nothing. I loved this baby but I feel so guilt and empty. Would love to see how other women can give advice. Anything would help.”
“I kind of block that memory out of my mind.”
“I had an abortion months ago. I wasn’t thinking but man does it kill you inside.”
Can’t you feel the isolation and emptiness in their words? Regardless of which option you choose this is clearly a topic that is still taboo to talk about. The early “unpredictable” stage of pregnancy is pregnancy nonetheless and no one should be ashamed to talk about it. Moreover if you are not in this situation you should be welcoming of talking about it because who knows, maybe someone you know is going through this right now unbeknownst to you.
We aren’t specifically talking about planned abortion either. Spontaneous abortions are more common than you think. Some data sets show that up to 25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in a (reported) spontaneous abortion. What’s more, women who have had just 1 previous miscarriage have a 25% greater risk of suffering a second miscarriage than women in the general population.
Here’s another statistic that’s food for thought… Up to one-third of women attending specialist clinics as a result of miscarriage are clinically depressed.
All you have to do is look around you to see that we have a massive mental illness problem (especially since “covid”), and it’s well known that women are more prone than men to depression. It’s all a shame-filled, hush-hush, tangled, interconnected mess.
The Roe vs Wade debate.
When Roe vs Wade hit the news I initially thought that this would stir up some valuable and meaningful conversation. Instead the media bombarded us with black and white opinions without any depth or the full and correct information. You were either for or against it and it was all about empowering or disempowering women once again.
I’m not specifically going to argue my way through this topic since it’s such a complicated one that cannot be summarized in a blog post. I would rather like to implore you to do some research that might be outside of your comfort box. Go on and challenge your views!
Don’t know where to start? I found this documentary really helpful to learn about the history and politics of abortion laws.
Where ever your opinion lies on this topic, you can’t deny that there is little to no support on every level.
Everything was against us.
My partner and I were living in Mexico at the time and really had no idea what to do. On paper it seemed like the cons list was wayyyyy longer than the pros. As potential parents we had so many things against us:
In a foreign country where we didn’t speak the language
Had to pay outright for health care
No long term place to live or clear plans
Our visas to return to the USA weren’t ready yet
No support network to rely on
Jobs/income potentially insecure
Travels dreams and life goals still yet to achieve
Were a relatively new relationship
Even though some of those things don’t really matter when it comes to having a baby they still felt like they mattered to us (or one of us) at the time. Nevertheless we decided to not be hasty with our decision and go to the gynaecologist appointment to collect some information.
Looking back the appointment was quite comical. The doctor was truly very, very sweet and tried so hard to communicate everything in english. He wrote out the entire 9 month appointment process and did a quick scan to confirm the pregnancy and check for a healthy heart beat. When we heard the heartbeat for the first time I felt my partner try to catch his breath and start to tremble. I kept focusing on the screen because I didn’t want to know if his look said his worst nightmare was coming true or not.
The poor thing assumed we wanted to keep it right until the very end when I said we “weren’t sure” and wanted to know about all the options.
The legal-illegal process.
Apparently in Mexico abortion is illegal anywhere outside of Mexico City, and we were no where near Mexico City. But. There were ways of doing it legally. As we didn’t know what to do the doctor explained that he would omit the positive scan findings in the medical notes for that visit with a follow-up due in 1 week. That would give us time to decide and leave the legal options open to us. If we decided we couldn’t go through with it, he would write down that no viable embryo was found and medical abortion was necessary. He’d prescribe pills. Lots of them.
In most countries there’s two different kinds of pills; mifepristone (blocks progesterone) and misoprostol (stimulates uterine contractions), but in Mexico they only have one (mifepristone) hence why you have to take quite a lot of them. In addition, you have to check yourself into hospital the following day and have a suction procedure under anaesthetic (not quite a D&C and more gentle) to complete it and reduce the risk of infection.
So here I am contemplating a solid two days or horror followed by so many days of physical recovery, not to mention the psychological side effects that might destroy our relationship, and destroy a part of me forever. I really, really tried to believe I could do it. I knew my partner wanted it for us. He wanted to achieve things personally and together first and enjoy a more natural progression of the relationship. I truly understood.
The days ticked over and I was growing sicker and sicker at the thought of doing that to my body in the hands of people I couldn’t understand. Would someone hold my hand throughout? But even scarier for me, every single person I’ve spoken to that has had an abortion has never recovered emotionally, .